Could You Use That In A Sentence?

Snare drum go...

McSweeney’s posted an amusing blog on Monday in which they broke down famous pop songs into one-sentence summaries. Since imitation is the sincerest form of flattery (and I’m not in the mood to think as much as I usually do), I decided to put together one-sentence summaries for well known rap songs. You can add some of your own on the comment board:

Rap Songs Condensed Into Single Sentences

Jay-Z “What More Can I Say”

I’m better than you.


Smif-N-Wessun “Sound Bway Bureill”

I’ll kill you.

Main Source “Just A Friendly Game Of Baseball”

Cops suck.


Big Pun feat. Black Thought “Super Lyrical’

I’m a better rapper than you.


Little Brother “Nobody Like Me”

I’m better than you.


The Beatnuts “Watch Out Now”

We love to have sex and might shoot those who mess with us.


Slum Village feat. Dirt McGirt (a.k.a Ol’ Dirty Bastard) “Dirty”

We love women of various sexualities and will punch their significant other in the face if they get in the way.


Common feat. Pharrell “Universal Mind Control”

I’m tired of not having my songs played at the club.


2Pac “Toss It Up”

I love to have sex and Dr. Dre might be gay.


Naughty By Nature ‘Craziest”

No matter where you go, there will always be unstable Negroes.


KRS-One “MC’s Act Like They Don’t Know”

I’m better than any rapper who has ever been on Billboard’s Top 10.


Kanye West “Stronger”

Everyone really needs to acknowledge how great I am.


Ja-Rule & Ashanti “Always On Time”

It doesn’t matter when you come home; we’re going to have sex.


Ol’ Dirty Bastard “Brooklyn Zoo”

I’m a great rapper and I’ll beat the hell out of you.


Eminem “Any Man”

I have to say screwed up things to get attention.


Eminem “Kill You”

I really have to say screwed up things to get attention.


Eminem “Cleaning Out My Closet”

The way I grew up caused me to say really screwed up things to get attention.


Devin The Dude “Somebody Else’s Wife”

I just developed a conscious after having sex with someone else’s woman for a long time.


Special Ed “I Got It Made”

I’m a better rapper than you and I have a lot of money that confirms such.


Jay-Z “The Takeover”

Nas sucks and so does Mobb Deep.


Nas “Ether”

Jay-Z sucks just as much if not worse.


Jay-Z & Nas “Black Republican”

We’re friends now and we don’t suck anymore.

Note: This post is now the new opening post on "Snare Drum Go." I will no longer post music-related content here.

The Aftermath - Part II

Oh the horror! The horror!

While I made mention of the potential sensitivity to political jokes about President-Elect Barack Obama, I had to devote some words to the overreaction of some John McCain supporters to Obama’s victory Tuesday night.

As Senator McCain displayed class in its purest form during his concession speech (whether it was real or feigned is not the issue here), the mere mention of Obama’s name made people boo and scream like they were citizens of Salem discovering a witch. I present you with a few choice excerpts from a story, which appeared in CNN.com:

“Members of the dejected crowd shouted ‘no way!’ when McCain promised to work with Obama.”

First of all this is pretty disgusting. Last time I checked, McCain’s job is to work in Washington with Congress and….the President. I thought we all wanted this country to get better. You know how we get better? By finding some sort of common ground. We’re going to always disagree on HOW we get better and we’ll always have to compromise, but people in the crowd pleading to McCain to not work with the man who’s about to take office is well…stupid. It proves that some people don’t want the country to actually get better; they just want their values to win out.

If that’s what you want, you’ll be disappointed every single time.

Back to the CNN story:

“Kevin Neugebauer of Katy, Texas said ‘I think the Republican Party’s kind of lost some of their identity of who they are. I don’t understand how it could happen.’”

I know how it happened: the Republican Party (a party whose values actually align with mine on several fronts) spent the past eight years in total control of everything and practiced a brand of politics that literally divided this nation in two. Said divisive politics didn’t matter as long as we were willing to trade a few of our freedoms for a false sense of security (No country is EVER secure. We’re not even completely secure when we step outside of our own homes).

The cries from many of socialism on the part of Obama are a little far-fetched and to me that was proven with this clip from of all places The Colbert Report when Stephen Colbert talked to the actual Socialist Party candidate for President:



Now that we’re clear on that one, back to the CNN piece:

“Other McCain voters took their frustration to the Internet, finding solidarity on anti-Obama sites. ‘We have to watch this guy and not give him an inch,’ one McCain supporter wrote. “The same way he criticized every move of President Bush. We have to make things as difficult for him as he did for Bush.’”

Make things difficult for Obama? He’s inheriting a mess, which includes a down on its luck economy; a military either stretched too thin or deployed improperly, real and/or potential issues with Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Iran and North Korea and trade issues with China, Mexico and Canada. Things will already be difficult for Obama.

So why make it even more difficult? Because your candidate didn’t win? Because subconsciously you want to feel some sort of schadenfreude and can’t wait for a monumental screw-up? As a semi-wise man once said: when you’re out on the golf course with clean air and someone else across town is dealing with subpar air from a factory, that doesn’t mean the problem stays near the factory. We don’t exist in a vacuum. The poisoned air will get you too.

In other words, what happens with Obama in office affects us all, not just the people who voted for him. I wanted Bush to work in 2000 (despite him stealing the election) because I knew the agenda that him and his administration decided to pursue would affect me too. That, of course, didn’t work out so well.

To disappointed McCain supporters: I would pull for Obama to succeed if I were you.

One more thing from this delightful CNN sidebar:

“Voters said they cried through the night, declaring Tuesday night a ‘sad day’ for the country. Others encouraged Republicans to “hold your heads up high.’”

Seriously folks? No one died. A candidate you voted for lost in an election. I’d be a little perturbed and disappointed too, but not “sad” or “angry” or “scared.” What are we afraid of exactly and why weren’t we this afraid with other Democratic candidates? It wouldn’t have anything to do with his skin color would it? There, I said it.

Prove me wrong.